Writing Your Listing Descriptions For Fun ... and More Profit!

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So take a look at a couple of Marx's descriptions and get motivated to tap into your own writing talent. But please beware ... reading these descriptions could cause you to spend all morning chatting about them over the water cooler!!!

Disturbing Wood Rocking Horse - NR - L@@K

A sterling example of the Post-Talent era of the Equine Impressionist Movement, this wooden rocking horse pleads "Release me from the bonds of human entertainment —please!"

The horse is rendered in a spartan pallette of white, black, and yellow.

Approximately the size of your average wooden rocking horse and weighing about the same as a large Butterball turkey, this plaything/object d'art easily disassembles with only a tall ladder, a concrete driveway, and gravity.

Little is known about the artist who created this piece; viewers who've inspected it agree on one thing: he/she apparently suffered horse-driven trauma at an early age. This theory is supported by the eye detail and the wooden rods thrust through the horse's head and neck. Viewers also speculate that the horse may be casting a jaundiced eye at the non-wooden world.

It is unknown whether the pink marking near the eye represents the blood and tears shed by wooden animals at the hands of human oppressors or was an errant dollop of Kool-Aid. The lack of reigns or harness suggests a longing to run wild and free; the flat wooden saddle evokes a sense of contempt for those who would burden this fir filly. Support the arts—buy this wonderful thing.

Irritating ceramic chipmunk/music box

Bid NOW or the chipmunks die.

This is NOT a hoax. If the reserve price for this item is not met by auction's end, this trio of musical rodents will be back—as a duet. If that fails, this offering will be a solo act.

In happier days

This ceramic geegaw was snagged at an estate sale and spent a 100-degree day in the trunk of a Miata. No sooner unloaded than it was dropped, decapitating the left 'munk and snapping his left paw clean off. The right rodent was also unseated from the base; all parts have been Elmerized in the interest of preserving this monument to cutesy-pie dubious taste. This event was no tragedy to any of the other characters cluttering up my tiny garret; this nut-grubbing gang irritated the normally-placid Gumby to an act of violence.

The music box plays a song by Alvin and The Chipmunks; I believe the title is "Christmas Don't Be Late." Trust me; if this thing doesn't sell, Christmas won't be a concern to these plaster pests. Cash,checks,magic beans, Marlboro Miles,fresh vegetables, or sultry glances accepted. Item ships same day unless it's a check; they'll have to clear the bank before you get this loathsome item. Postage will be approximately $4.00, paid by buyer. No international sales; I don't want to be arrested for junk smuggling. C'mon, folks, do the only decent thing—take this batch of ugly creatures before it's too late.