Colin Rule has more than 15 years of experience as a mediator and facilitator, including a stint as an Adjunct Professor at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, where he taught and researched dispute resolution. He also wrote Online Dispute Resolution for Business, one of the first books to examine how buyers and sellers can best resolve their problems online. 

Transaction anxiety – an insidious problem
Every eBay member knows the tiny seed of anxiety that comes with a new purchase. It's only logical to feel a little vulnerable when you send money out to someone you've never met, based solely on the belief that they're going to do the right thing and send you the item you won or purchased from them. In some sense every eBay transaction is a small leap of faith—but part of the joy of eBay comes from taking that leap. When mixed with the excitement of finding something that you love or need, and the pleasure felt when the box is first opened, it becomes quite an exhilarating (and often addictive) experience, as we all know.

However, there are the cases where that tiny seed of anxiety just won't go away. Maybe a sentence that you skimmed over in the listing before placing your bid strikes a dissonant chord on the second or third read through, days or weeks after you've sent the payment. Perhaps a negative feedback received by the seller, overlooked during the excitement of the bidding process, introduces a new concern. Maybe repeated emails to the seller asking what should be a simple question have gone unanswered. Perhaps tracking information provided by the seller comes up on the shipper's website as being invalid. The little seed of anxiety, so easily outweighed by the optimism and excitement of the new purchase, may begin to sprout into a weed.

In the back of your mind that seed of anxiety start to grow.“Is this person on the up and up?” you may ask yourself. It grows another shoot. “Am I being taken advantage of?” A leaf unfolds. Or even, the big daddy of all transaction concerns: “Am I being defrauded here?” The weed flowers into full bloom.

Most problems are resolvable
The first thing to do is to take a deep breath. I spend all day every day looking at people's problem transactions, and from what I've seen, most problems work themselves out. Buyers who are absolutely convinced that the seller is a sleazy fraudster who should be thrown in jail are surprised when the item arrives in due course. Not only is it exactly as described in the listing, but the USPS label indicates that the seller shipped it the day after payment was made. Sellers who feel certain that their buyer is spinning a web of deceit by saying that they sent out a money order two weeks ago suddenly discover the envelope under a magazine on the dining room table.

Yes, it's sadly true that there are bad guys out there who are looking for people they can victimize. But many more problems are caused by miscommunication or misunderstandings than by criminal or deceptive behavior.

So how can you tell whether or not you are actually involved in a problem transaction? Well, your gut feeling is often a good leading indicator, but it only goes so far. Based on what we've heard from other members throughout the past several years, one tip is to run through a simple checklist of steps when you feel your anxiety growing:

1. Go back and read the original listing one more time.
   Sellers often put a lot of information in their Terms and Conditions, and buyers often only skim them on a high level before making a bid or a purchase. When you think you have a problem, a good first step is to go back to the original listing and read the whole thing more closely. What are the seller's shipping and payment terms? Do they have a return policy? If so, how does it work? How do they prefer for you to get in touch with them if you have a concern? What's the seller's estimate of delivery times?

   There are a variety of factors that can delay shipment. Significant delays can arise based on your payment type, customs requirements, assembly, or shipment speed. For example, if you paid by check, remember that the seller has to not only receive the check but also wait for it to clear before the shipment can go out. Media mail (books, DVDs, etc.) can take much longer than other shipment types. Maybe the seller assembles or customizes each purchase, which can require more time. Or maybe they're located in a different country, which means the shipment has to go through customs.
   
   Often sellers deal with many of these issues in their Terms and Conditions, so give them a close read to see if your particular concern is addressed. If it is, that can quickly put your mind at ease.

2. Email the seller with your questions.
   Even if you've emailed before, find the seller's preferred address and send a detailed message that spells out your concern. If you don't have the seller's email address you can request it from eBay (click on “Advanced Search” in the upper right corner of any eBay page, and then choose “Find Contact Information” under “Members” in the menu on the left side of the page) or use the "Ask seller a question" link on the item listing page.

   Remember that some eBay sellers are listing hundreds if not thousands of items per day, so they receive an overwhelming amount of email from both eBay and their other buyers. Some sellers specify in their listings that they won't be able to respond to emails, or that buyer concerns should come in exclusively over the phone or through special online forms on their website. Check the Terms and Conditions on the listing to ensure that you're using the best channel to communicate your concern.

3. Check your spam filters.
   An unfortunate reality of today's Internet is that almost all of us receive a torrent of spam emails on a daily basis. Messages with eBay and PayPal in the subject lines are often targeted by spam blocking programs. So it's possible that the seller is trying to email you but your spam filters are blocking their messages. It's worth a check.
   
   
4. Confirm your contact information is correct.
   The seller may be trying to email you or call you on the phone but your contact information may be incorrect. Go to "My Account" in My eBay and click on "Personal Information." Check all the information there to ensure that it's up to date. If you find any information that's incorrect, you might want to notify your seller about the error in case they've been trying to use the wrong information to contact you.
   
   
5. Call the seller.
   As I mentioned in this column in August, using the telephone to resolve transaction problems is often very effective. A simple phone call can work wonders in resolving a transaction problem. It can also be immensely helpful in putting your concerns to rest. Just request the seller's contact information (follow the steps listed above) and give him or her a phone call.

Taking it to the next level
If you go through these steps and you're still worried, that's when you can be pretty sure your concerns have some substance behind them. In that case, you should feel comfortable going to the next level. If you haven't received the item, or if the item you received was significantly different than the original description, you can file a dispute under eBay's Item Not Received or Significantly Not as Described process. Or, if you paid with PayPal, you can visit the PayPal Resolution Center to file a complaint. Your item may have enhanced protection through PayPal Buyer Protection.

One important thing to be mindful of is the tendency to jump to conclusions, especially when anxiety is gnawing at you. Try to presume that your trading partner is participating in the transaction honestly instead of deciding prematurely that they're acting in bad faith and trying to take advantage of you. If you focus on finding a solution to the problem, and you make it clear that you see the situation as resolvable, they'll usually follow your lead.

Sellers can have legitimate concerns too
It's important to remember that buyers are not the only ones who may be anxious. Sellers can experience this anxiety as well. Maybe their repeated invoices have received no response, or the buyer requested shipment to an address not listed on eBay or PayPal. Or, even worse, after the item has already been shipped, the bank calls with a concern about the buyer's payment. When the anxiety of the seller combines with the anxiety of the buyer the result can grow into a mutual distrust, which can really run a transaction off the rails. The problem then becomes a dispute between the two sides, and even if the initial issue is resolved (for example, the item arrives, the payment clears) the dispute may continue, perhaps as a result of the harsh words that were exchanged or negative feedback left.

Until payment has been cleared, the item has been received, and both sides are completely satisfied, there's always the potential for some anxiety. The key to your peace of mind is keeping that anxiety in perspective and taking the time to find out what's really going on. By doing just a little work at the first inkling of a problem you will be able to separate the real problems from the perceived ones and complete most of your transactions without too many difficulties.