Colin Rule is eBay's Director of Online Dispute Resolution. He has more than 15 years of experience as a mediator and facilitator, including a stint as a Professor at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, where he taught and researched dispute resolution. He also wrote Online Dispute Resolution for Business, one of the first books to examine how buyers and sellers can best resolve their problems online.

It would be great if every transaction on eBay went smooth as silk, without any problems or misunderstandings. Unfortunately, on eBay (as in life) that's not the way things work. As any experienced eBay member will tell you, if you buy or sell enough items on eBay there's a very good chance you'll eventually run into a problem.

Fortunately many of the problems experienced by Community members can be readily resolved.

Transaction problems can arise for a number of reasons. We're all human, and so we can occasionally make errors, like shipping to an incorrect address or misplacing a package we received. Sometimes transaction problems can occur because of unforeseen and unexpected events. Post office delays, or the time it can take for a package to travel across international borders, can result in slow delivery of an item. In some cases, problems can arise because of unreasonable expectations. For instance, a “newbie” buyer may not understand that their check needs to clear before the seller will ship their item.

In all these situations a little patience and communication is often all that's needed to resolve concerns and prevent escalation to a more time consuming and frustrating situation.

Here are a few suggestions that may help you resolve transaction problems with a positive approach and a win-win outcome.

Communicate, communicate, communicate
I've heard from dozens of experienced buyers and sellers that communication is the key to resolving disputes on eBay. Once your transaction partner has expressed a concern or filed a dispute, the best way to respond is to communicate with them every step of the way in a respectful and courteous manner. You want to use language that clearly signals your good intentions and addresses the other party's suspicions (however inaccurate) that they're being victimized.

Send your transaction partner friendly payment reminders, and provide detailed shipment status information to your buyers after they pay. You can draft polite but clear messages and re-use them—or even better, automate them. You can share language that has helped you in resolving disputes with other sellers on the discussion boards. Timely, friendly, and thorough communication can often prevent misunderstandings and avoid disputes altogether.

People are basically good
If you're trying to resolve a dispute, it's important to start out by presuming good faith from the other side. Personally, I've always turned to eBay's Community Values as my guiding framework when dealing with other members.

At the outset, don't assume that your transaction partner in the dispute is acting unfairly or with bad intentions. Most transaction problems result from miscommunication or mistaken assumptions. In your emails and messages try to focus on the situation you want to resolve and potential solutions, not your assessment of the other person's character. It may feel temporarily satisfying to chastise your transaction partner when you think they've acted inappropriately, but it almost always makes the situation more difficult to resolve.

Threats and insults don't work
In the hundreds and hundreds of disputes that I've reviewed it is resoundingly clear that threats and insults almost always backfire. Threatening someone usually stiffens their resolve and makes them less accommodating and cooperative. Resorting to threatening language in a dispute often leads to negative outcomes in potentially resolvable situations. Right from the start, make it clear to the other party that you see the problem as resolvable. If you set an example for good behavior and a positive attitude, they'll usually respond by acting the same way.

Look for win-win outcomes
Try to look for creative solutions to resolve problems. Think of win-win outcomes where you both get what you're looking for. Instead of presuming that any gain for your transaction partner is a loss for you, focus on the goals you share with the other party.

The ultimate win-win outcome is a completed sale, because the seller gets the money they want and the buyer gets the item they want, so everyone is happy.  But if a problem arises, say over the condition of an item, you can brainstorm ways to fix the item, replace it, re-sell it, or arrange for a discount or credit on a future purchase. If you can't agree on the propriety of a refund, maybe as the seller you can offer to donate the amount in question to a charity of the buyer's choosing.  A little creativity can go a long way toward satisfying your transaction partner and avoiding negative feedback.

Focus on the bigger picture
I've seen many buyers and sellers get caught up in the “principle” of the issue, insisting upon an apology and an acknowledgement of wrongdoing from the other party, even if the dispute is over a somewhat trivial amount of money. Try not to get caught up in the emotions of the moment—remember, this is only one transaction in many more to come. In fact, sometimes the “winner” can really be a loser when you add up the time and effort expended, as well as damaged reputations.

A good way to keep things in perspective is to ask yourself questions, such as:

• If you were an impartial observer, unaffiliated with either side, how would you suggest the disagreement be resolved?
• If you look at the matter through the eyes of the other party, can you understand why they see things the way they do?
• If you were in their shoes, how would you like to work out the problem?

The answers to these questions can point you toward a fair and reasonable outcome.

Create a resolution plan
Consider crafting a resolution plan in advance. This can not only prevent disputes from occurring in the first place, it can also help you get them resolved quickly when they do arise. Decide on a specific number of email contacts, phone calls, and waiting periods you'll engage in with your transaction partner before filing a dispute. Then clearly indicate this process in your listings. Buyers will appreciate the clarity, and it gives your actions additional legitimacy if they are detailed up front in the listing.

Be professional and patient with newbies
Sellers shouldn't presume that all buyers understand the ins and outs of buyer responsibilities and obligations. Many purchases on the site are made by buyers who are not savvy eBay users. If a dispute arises with an inexperienced buyer, the best tone to take is usually a professional, knowledgeable one, calmly explaining the situation to the buyer from your perspective, but not in a patronizing way. One aggressive message is often all it takes to run the communication off the rails. Resist any attempts to escalate or insult and be patient and professional.

It's good to give your buyer options as to how they can make the situation right. Sometimes giving the buyer a clear path to a solution that will satisfy you and let them off the hook is all that's needed to work out the problem.

Consider the following scenario. After you file an Unpaid Item dispute, the buyer responds very apologetically, saying that they already bought a different item, convinced they weren't going to win your auction-style listing. You could insist that they live up to their commitment and pay the full price, even though they no longer want the item. Alternatively, you could suggest that the buyer pay your listing and final value fees, assuring them that if they do so you won't leave them a negative feedback. This way you still have the item to re-sell, you're out no fees, and you also protect your reputation. 

By giving them a clear path to a resolution you would find acceptable you make it easy for them to do the right thing, and you minimize the chance that they'll simply stop responding to your messages.

eBay's Problem Resolution Processes
Because eBay understands that the occasional problem is inevitable, we've put together a variety of processes to help members work out problems quickly and effectively. Here's some information about some of these processes and the situations in which you can use them:

Unpaid Item process
Use this process if you have sold an item to a buyer, but they have not paid. You can also use it to request a Final Value Fee credit for a returned item or an uncompleted transaction.

Item Not Received or Significantly Not as Described process
Use this process if you paid for an item but didn't receive it, or if you paid for and received an item, but it was significantly different from the seller's item description.

Mutual Feedback Withdrawal
Did you receive a feedback you think you didn't deserve? This process enables you to work with your transaction partner to get it removed.

Independent Feedback Review
If you received feedback for a motor vehicle transaction that you think is unwarranted, you can request that it be examined by an independent and neutral reviewer. If the reviewer finds that the feedback violated certain guidelines, it will be de-scored (i.e. the feedback will not count towards your overall feedback score).

eBay also provides links to partner sites that can help you work out your transaction problems. SquareTrade, eBay's preferred dispute resolution provider, has resolved more than a million disputes for eBay members over the last five years. eBay members can use the free communication tools on the SquareTrade Web site or request the services of an impartial third party for a very modest fee. You can also get more information on resolving disputes in eBay's Security and Resolution Center and Help pages.

Nobody likes it when a transaction problem crops up. But if you follow these simple tips, chances are that you'll protect your reputation and work out most problems without a hitch.