Colin Rule is eBay's Director of Online Dispute Resolution. He has more than 15 years of experience as a mediator and facilitator, including a stint as an Adjunct Professor at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, where he taught and researched dispute resolution. He also wrote Online Dispute Resolution for Business, one of the first books to examine how buyers and sellers can best resolve their problems online. 

One of the best ways to deal with transaction problems is to simply pick up the phone and call your buyer or seller. Many problems can be worked out with a simple, friendly phone call lasting no more than a few minutes. However, for some reason, many members are reluctant to pick up the phone. It's really not that hard to figure out why.

Members probably hesitate to call because the phone has a bad reputation. A phone call can feel slightly intrusive or even aggressive, particularly when you're calling a stranger. My mind jumps to annoying telemarketers and bill collectors calling people when they're having dinner with their families.

Many people like eBay because you can connect to a stranger, have a positive and productive exchange, and you never have to deal with the awkward “I don't know you” phase. The telephone introduces some of that, so it's understandable that people may resist using it.

People engaged in buying and selling online also expect to avoid the traditional hassles of retail, such as standing behind a counter all day waiting for customers or looking for hard-to-find store employees to ask questions. In reality, buyers and sellers online have many of the same needs and questions that they have in a brick-and-mortar store. Very often using the phone is the simplest and most effective way of addressing these needs.

Connect on a human level
To be perfectly frank, I'm not a big fan of the phone myself. I'm usually annoyed when I hear the phone ring. I don't like that I have to stop whatever I'm doing to answer it. I prefer it when people email me or send me an Instant Messenger message, because then I can respond when it's convenient for me. That said, I have seen many issues where a buyer and seller have exchanged a dozen angry emails without finding a solution, but once they get on the phone, they work it out quickly. It almost seems like magic.

The effectiveness of the phone as a communications channel may stem from the fact that the phone offers more of a chance to connect with another person on a human level. There's no non-verbal communications in an email – it's all words. But on the phone you can warm to the tone of someone's voice, hear their laugh, or they can agree with you while you're talking, all of which establishes rapport. Those things may seem insignificant, but research has shown that they are quite important in building trust.

Many people think that using the phone is as simple as it can be: you just pick up the receiver and dial. Some people think, “I talk on the phone all the time… what's there to learn?” Well, talking to your friends and family is much different than talking to a stranger.

Communicating through the phone may be technically easy, but communicating well over the phone is more of a challenge.

As it turns out, phone etiquette is a pretty well developed area, probably because we've had decades of heavy phone use around the world that has helped us to figure out what works. Here are a few tips to bear in mind when calling your eBay trading partner on the phone.

Think face-to-face interaction
One common tip is to approach your phone calls as if you were interacting with the person face-to-face. Although the person at the other end of the line will not be able to see you, your body language will influence the cues in your voice that are transmitted over the phone. Sit up straight, answer promptly, identify yourself clearly, and maintain a problem solving orientation. Try to smile when you pick up the phone. You may not think the caller can tell when you do these things, but in fact they do change the tone of your voice for the better.

Create a good first impression
First impressions matter on the phone as much as they do face-to-face. If you pick up the phone when you're distracted by something else and say something brusque like “What?” or “Yeah?” it can change the tone of the overall call for the worse. Try to be polite, upbeat, and friendly when you participate in a phone call, even if the subject of the call isn't all that pleasant (such as a late payment or an item that hasn't yet arrived.)

Focus on the call
If you know you're going to be on the phone, try to minimize distractions. If you're reading your email when the phone rings, minimize your email program before you pick up the phone. If you start clicking through messages or – even worse – typing a response when the other person is talking, they'll sense that you're not paying attention, either from your slow responses or the tap-tapping sound of your keyboard. This can set them on edge and make them harder to deal with.

Take notes
Another good tip is to train yourself to take notes when you get on a call. This way you won't forget the caller's name, the item they're calling about, and the details of their issue. Few things are more annoying than having to repeat yourself two or three times because the person you're speaking to isn't paying attention.

We've all had the frustrating experience of bad phone service, waiting forever for someone to come on the line, an endless sequence of automated phone options, being transferred from person to person, and no one ever taking responsibility to address the problem. If your business has a phone helpline, try calling it yourself to experience it from your customers' point of view. Ensure any automated options presented to buyers are well thought out, so callers can quickly find the person or department they need to speak with to resolve their concern. If a caller feels their time is being wasted they can get frustrated, which makes them harder to deal with.

Maintain a positive attitude...and follow up
The key is listening closely to the caller, making clear to them that you understand their issue, and giving them a concrete response with a specific outcome. It's important to respect their privacy, and to be respectful of their time constraints. Don't repeatedly pass them around to other extensions. Throughout the duration of the call, assure them that you're committed to their satisfaction.

Sometimes you're not going to be able to solve their problem right there on the call, but that doesn't mean the caller has to feel cheated or ignored. If you acknowledge their frustration and state clearly what you are going to do to follow up, you can still end the call on a positive note. That can be the difference between negative and a positive feedback, or a satisfied or dissatisfied customer.

I'd love to hear about some of your transaction problems and how you handled them—both the ones that went well and the ones that didn't go so well. Send them to me at crule@ebay.com and I'll try to share some of them in a future column.