A Bidder Sees Ebay Through A Child's Eyes
by *samby*
eBay Member

My children have their own access to the Internet now. It was a long battle, fraught with hysterics on both sides, but for once the peasants overcame the landlords in a relatively bloodless coup.

Prior to this, they got to sit with us guiding them while they searched for school projects, Britney Spears, and wherever else their fancies took them.

Now, their game computer is networked up through the router and the World Wide Web is wide open to them. Or so they currently believe.

We've got Net Nanny, and it destroys all ability to search reasonably for anything on the Internet. Even trying to search for the Google Kidsafe search engine site (so we could bookmark it) was rejected by Net Nanny, because the front page contained the word "sexual".

So now they are set to surf. Their machine is about 12 feet from mine, just to the side of the kitchen and always in clear view. Net Nanny slaps their precious little wrists every so often. The pop ups are all pooped out and gone. They know all the rules: Don't be clicking on banner ads that promise you anything -- There is no IM -- Chatrooms are also out for now until I can do more exploration. So where do they all go first? eBay.

It was my 7-year-old's idea. He wanted to look for Pokemon cards. The 3-year- old, swept up the joy of it all, knowledgably informs him, "They have every Pokemon card in World on ebee." He should know. He's sat on my knee while we searched for every darn card ever printed. He's a veteran eBayer. The mailman and the "ebee man" are his best friends.

Against the laws of Physics and the Universe, my 7-year-old has hit on an idea that my 14-year-old actually finds cool. He unplugs the Borg receptors from his ears and wanders in to watch over my younger's shoulder, trying not to ruffle the air of boredom and contempt he has carefully cultivated these past 3 months.

Needless to say, the kid wants every auction he opens…NOW. This kid currently has $4.76 in his wallet. Actually $4.71 because I fined him a nickel this morning for running out into the dirt in new white socks. He just hasn't ponied up the money yet. Luckily, I still hold the User ID and password, so he can't indulge himself.

Pokemon turns to Yu-gi-oh cards which turns to jackknives. He's currently awaiting the time when he's old enough to have a jackknife. This is usually about 9 depending on the child. In case we forget, he checks in weekly to ask if he's responsible enough yet. This time he decides to kick it up a notch. Staring at the screen he asks, "Mom, when am I old enough to have a switchblade?"

"Never" I answer.

Then he responds, "Hey, those are prohibited items on eBay!" So I go report the auction. It's good tattling, I assure him.

The next son takes his seat and begins to search for electronics. "Wow! A plasma screen TV for just a dollar!"

"It's not an auction. It's a scam to point you to a website I could find for you in 5 minutes so you can get ripped off on that and more." Reported.

"A camcorder for $5! And it's ending in 2 minutes, mom!"

"See the red sign? It says 'reserve not met', son. That means they don't want you to have it for the $27 you have in your wallet."

The eldest nonchalantly takes his seat and finds a fully diamond-encrusted Rolex band…all for a mere bazillion dollars. Champagne tastes on a beer budget, this boy.

After a few more Rolexes he turns to his first love. "Look at this fighter jet!"

"Yes," I perk up. "You can buy all sorts of models on eBay."

"No mom…it's a real fighter jet. Just $90,000."

He returns to the screen and drools some more.

"Mom…what is our house worth?"

"Oh good idea! We can sell the house and buy the fighter jet and live in the cockpit. All nine of us. Well, 13, counting the cats and hamsters. That'd be neat."

As each child sat down the scene began repeating itself. Auctions ending in 10 minutes brought pleas for me to cough up my User ID, and me trying to lecture on research, thoughtful non-impulsive buying, and good bidding techniques.

It all fell on deaf ears as the rare cards, diamonds and military aircraft shone in their little eyes.

Then I remember my first night discovering eBay. Maybe I didn't drool over planes and camcorders and watches, but I definitely felt the grip of excitement that I saw mirrored in my children's eyes yesterday.

The grip still gets me occasionally. Like a week ago when the women here all rediscovered Russian stacking dolls, childhood toys that send me back to the search engines in excitement.

So it was fun watching my kids safely window-shop on eBay. But unlike them, I have the User ID, the secret password, the credit cards and the checkbook. Bwhahahahahaha.