Chat Board Bullies
by Jim 'Griff' Griffith
eBay Staff Member

Q. I used to enjoy posting on one of the eBay chat boards. In fact, I was a regular but then a new person showed up who at first, sounded like he or she wanted to be helpful and sociable. But in a few weeks, this person started attacking myself and other regular old time chat posters, posting vicious comments about all of us and making fun of our opinions and just generally ganging up on us. I got so tired of this person that I eventually just stopped posting altogether. Why does eBay allow these types of people to get away with their anti-social, mean-spirited behavior. Anonymous For Obvious Reasons

A. Dear AFOR

Unmoderated chat boards (that is, chat forums where posts are not pre-screened before posting) are, by their very nature, one of the single most democratic modes of discussion ever invented by human kind. Anyone with a computer and a connection can join in on an online chat discussion. Today, online chatting is an educational and enjoyable diversion for millions of people around the world.

As in the offline world, the online world is made up of all types of people. Pleasant, gruff, shy, provocative, friendly, churlish, naive, brilliant, mean, kind, borderline sociopathic... they are all there and they all have equal access to any eBay discussion forum.

eBay chat board rules and guidelines allow room for nearly the entire spectrum of human discourse. eBay will step in whenever a rule has been violated but for the most part, we at eBay expect all chat board participants to keep within the generally accepted rules of civil behavior.

Although most people who use chat forums are friendly and fair and are willing to make room for the opinions of others, there will always be those childish chatters hell-bent on provoking others or even dominating an entire forum. Let's call them what they are; "bullies." Bullies just seem to thrive on making small of others or on "stirring the pot" of the world's cauldron of ill will. Who knows why? Perhaps their mothers failed to instill within them a sense of decency and fairplay.

As someone who has participated in chat forums for over eight years, I have learned that there is one way and *only* one way to deal effectively with these chat board bullies:

You ignore them.

And by ignore them I mean completely ignore them. Chat Board provocateurs thrive on response; it's how they gain the upperhand in any discussion. They will go to any length to get a rise out someone. They live to get your goat.

Don't give it to them.

By refusing to acknowledge a chat bully's attempt to provoke you, you immediately and totally disarm them. You render them impotent. On the other hand, engaging a bully whose only purpose is to disrupt or upset you is like handing them your goat on a spit. ("Here you go, bully. Would you like some mint sauce with that goat?")

Any strategy of ignoring a provocateur must be total in exectution. This means: not telling the provocateur "Nah nah nah, I am ignoring you..."; no sly little third-party references to the fact that you are ignoring someone ("Jill, you are such a dear... not like SOME people we know..."); no little "cye's" to others on the forum in order to discuss your secret strategy. You simply raise high your shield of maturity and self-respect and you steadfastly refuse to acknowledge the very exsistance of said bully. You cease all engagement. You do not snap for the bait they dangle in front of you, no matter how much your jaws quiver to do so. Keep your tongue civil, your chat chipper and polite and your hand firmly on the leash of your goat.

Is this strategy an easy one to adopt?

Nope. Especially if you are someone with paper-thin skin who is easily bruised by the words of others. Still nothing, and I mean NOTHING solves the problem of a nasty board poster like pretending they don't exsist. I have preached as well as practiced this brilliant strategy for going on 8 years now and when it is adopted completely, it works like a charm.

Remember, you are not responsible for the words of others--you are responsible for your words alone. What you say will speak volumes about yourself and sometimes, what you don't say can speak an entire library!

Besides, mean-spirited, peach-pit-souled chat board provocateurs usually do a bang up job of making total fools of themselves. They certainly don't need our help.

Regards,
Griff