Merry Elfin Holidays to Everyone!!!
by Elfie
eBay "Staff Member"

Elfie decided he should give you all a nice gift and pass on some of Elfie's Holiday Wisdom.

Humans don't often have the benefit of Elfin cleverness and this is what leads them astray and causes the giving of bad gifts and the eating of fruitcake, which everybody knows isn't fruit and isn't cake. (Editor's Note: The opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily that of the Chatter Editorial Staff. The Editor happens to like fruitcake.)

Now, Elfie is non-denominational and is willing to practice any human holiday where he gets stuff and consumes large portions of snacks. So, these bits of Elfin wisdom can apply to most any holiday where you have lots of presents and candy, and/or bring trees into your house!

So, here we go!

Now you might already know this, but it definitely bears repeating: sometimes honesty is the worst policy. If you are gonna tell somebody you only got them a box of Cracker Jacks for Christmas, it is better to wait 'til after they have bought you YOUR expensive gift. Preferably after they have handed it over. :)

Advise all friends and relatives about how you are allergic to fruitcake, aftershave, tights and shoes with bells. (Editor's Note: The Editor also likes shoes with bells and tights.)

Okay, those last two might not apply to everyone that much.

Don't eat the cranberry if it is green.

Practice wrapping presents before Christmas. That way no one can tell that you took theirs and rewrapped a can of tuna fish in its place.

Carry extra gift tags with you so if you see a really BIG present (or one that smells good), you can put your name on it.

Okay, you know that Santa guy has trouble with his weight, so you really better watch your choklit around HIM! In fact, you should prolly give it to Elfie for safe-keeping over the holidays.

Make sure you hang your stockings real low so Elfie won't have any trouble reaching them to steal give you choklit.

Elfie is a star, everybody knows that! But that does not mean you can get away with super-gluing him to the top of your tree again this year. *Glaring at Jackie*

If you bury Elfie in the snow when you are shoveling the driveway, claiming you thought he was a "lawn ornament" isn't going to work this year. *Glaring at Kelley*

(Editor's Note: No elves were harmed in the making of this article.)

Christmas is the ultimate sock holiday. Just a little reminder.

The holiday practice of putting out little bowls of candies and nuts is very nice and Elfie thinks is one of the better human traits. But don't forget that these should generally be on the real low kinda tables for the best visual effect, not way up high where Elfie can't reach them! you can't enjoy their beauty.

Now, there's that other saying about how it's better to give than receive. Elfie definitely believes in this one - and hopes all his rich friends are listening so they will feel real real good this Holiday Season. *Heee!*

Happy Holidays to all!!!!!

Love,
Elfie.